Will Smith tells his mother he felt like a ‘coward’ and contemplated suicide
In the fifth episode of his YouTube series, “Best Shape Of My Life,” released Thursday, Will Smith had a heartfelt talk with his mother Caroline Bright. He revealed that the only time he contemplated suicide was after witnessing his father, Willard Carroll Smith Sr., brutally beat her.
Despite being the oldest child, the King Richard star admitted feeling like a ‘coward’ for not intervening to stop the violence.
Will Smith was spotted with his mother Caroline and collaborators in the ongoing documentary series “Best Shape Of My Life,” which chronicles his journey to lose 20 pounds in 20 weeks while finishing his memoir.
In his book reflections, he called his father—also known as Daddio—”one of the greatest blessings” and “one of my greatest sources of pain.” Willard’s mother suffered the most, especially on a night when all of Will’s siblings saw her get punched repeatedly, as a result of his “brutal temper” and “drinking,” which caused him to violate “his own rules” while under the influence.
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‘With me standing there in the doorway, I watched my father punch my mother so hard that she spit up blood,’ he said, before adding that that the moment had ‘defined’ his current persona more than any other event in his life.
‘That was the only time in my life that I ever considered suicide,’ Will said after bringing his mother in to sit next to him.
‘That was the only time in my life that I ever thought about killing myself, because it was all my failure in my mind,’ he continued.
While reading to his colleagues, Will shared that he became a ‘pleaser’ in life to prevent his father’s violent outbursts, feeling shame and labeling himself a ‘coward’ for not stopping the abuse.
Despite being the ‘entertainer in the family’ who aimed to keep things ‘light’ to avoid beatings, this pleasing behavior paradoxically led to ‘artistic and financial fruits.’ However, it also ingrained a belief in his young mind that Daddio’s episodes were somehow his fault.
Will revealed the persistent feeling of being a coward, even with all his success, and admitted this to his mother during a recent discussion about his memoir. His mother reassured him that there was nothing he could have done, and Will suggested that his desire to take ownership was a ‘trauma reaction.’
Will’s mother explained that she stood up to her husband and wasn’t more submissive because she didn’t want her children to be more worried, even though her defiance often resulted in more violence from him.
Will Smith tells his mother he felt like a ‘coward’ and contemplated suicide
